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When we become parents we try to educate our children so that they are happy and do not have any problems. However, being parents is not easy and it does not always turn out the way we would like. Lack of time, fatigue accumulated by work, the child's own character or the situation in which the family finds itself are factors that make it difficult to find perfection in the task of educating. And sometimes, We fall into the trap of using shouting and threats with children. After them, we can reach feel guiltyWell, we know that it is not the best educational tool.
But why do we yell at our children? It is often due to the fact that adults find in the cry a resource with supposed advantages such as: the fact that it is quick and easy to use, it does not require intellectual wear to use, it can achieve the short-term objective or it can instill character authority to the user.
Furthermore, yelling is used to 'control' the child when there are insufficient resources to educate him. In fact, from the University of Pittsburgh and Michigan it is explained that 45% of mothers and 42% of fathers admitted to having yelled and in some case insulted their children.
On the other hand, it must be taken into account that the evolutionary rhythm of a child is different from that of an adult, which can generate conflicts that end up in screaming. This can be seen in different circumstances:
- Satisfy needs
Children have the need to have their needs met immediately. That is, if there is something in the environment that seems interesting to you such as a sound, a striking object, etc. will explore it immediately. You do it because you need to understand the environment around you. In contrast, adults do not need this immediacy because they have other maturational rhythms and other energy.
- They need other times
Due to the lifestyle we parents lead today, we need things to be done quickly. Children, on the other hand, need the necessary time to explore the environment. This causes the impatience of the adults with the little ones to surface and the yelling and anger appear.
- Different 'expectations'
Parents often have expectations of their children that are not real. These must be adjusted to the age of the child, his capacities and this sometimes does not happen.
You can check that This mismatch between the rhythm of adults and children causes conflicts to appear. Anger, threats and screams take control in the education of the little ones. This, in addition to causing very negative consequences for children, induces a very strong feeling of guilt in adults.
When a child is born, adults immediately assume the role of educators. There is no universal rule for educating children, so parents should pass on an education to their children to the best of their ability. This leads to the installation the feeling of guilt in the parents believing that they do not make the correct decisions to carry out this task.
Moreover, there are studies that show that yelling at children is the first among all causes of guilt in parents in the education of their children. This feeling of guilt appears because the own parents are aware that they do not have enough tools and necessary to enable them to educate their children.
When you become a parent, it is normal for feelings of guilt to appear when making decisions regarding the care and education of children. The problem appears when you lose control and the prospect to the point of leading an unhealthy life or suffering from depression. So that this does not happen, we must take some measures to alleviate the feeling of guilt. Between them:
1. Take care of yourself
To guarantee the care of the children you have to know how to take care of yourself first. You have to take time to do things that make you feel good and keep you relaxed. Have your own space to see things with perspective. Go to the movies, go out with your partner, meet friends etc.
2. Alternate tasks between parents
Share household chores equitably among family members. Asking for help and offering it to control daily rhythms and energy eliminates feelings of guilt due to fatigue and stress.
3. Beware of thinking things that are not
Feeling guilty about having to work and not being able to spend as much time as you want with your children and that the solution to feeling better is worrying excessively about childcare will be a counterproductive reaction. You have to know how to delegate and trust your partner or the caregivers of the children. It will be more important for the child to spend a little less time with him but that it is of quality, than more time 'impregnated' with stress.
4. Yelling doesn't have to be bad.
You have to understand the fact that yelling at a child is not bad. It will be when the intensity and frequency with which it is done is not controlled.
5. If yelling is a habit
When this happens, adults may need to learn how to control their anger and reduce stress. For this it will be necessary to seek help from a professional.
You can read more articles similar to How to stop feeling guilty for yelling at kids so much, help!, in the category of Being mothers and fathers on site.